Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Dennis Miller on the Middle East

Thanks to my brother, Dortch, for passing these quotes to me

Comments from Comedian Dennis Miller

Dennis Miller on the Middle East

For those who don't know, Dennis Miller is
a comedian who has a show called Dennis Miller
Live on HBO.

He is not Jewish.

He recently said the following about the Mideast

"A brief overview of the situation is always
valuable, so as a service to all Americans who
still don't get it, I now offer you the story
of the Middle East in just a few paragraphs,which
is all you really need.

Here we go:

The Palestinians want their own country.

There's just one thing about that...........
There are no Palestinians.

It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine
for two thousand years.

Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient
but is really a modern invention

Before the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war,
Gaza was owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by Jordan,
and there were no "Palestinians."

As soon as the Jews took over and started growing
oranges as big as basketballs, what do you know,
say hello to the............"Palestinians,"
weeping for their deep bond with their lost.....
"land" and "nation."

So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the
word "Pal estinian" anymore to describe these
delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths,
until someone points out they're being taped.

Instead, let's call them what they are:
"Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life
And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In The Seductive
Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death."

I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN.
How about this, ! then: "Adjacent Jew-Haters."
Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country.
Oops, just one more thing. No, they don't.

They could've had their own country any time in
the last thirty years, especially two years ago at..
Camp David but if you have your own country, you have to
have traffic lights and garbage trucks and Chambers
of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure
out some way to make a living.

That's no fun. No, they want what all the other
Jew-Haters in the region want: Israel. They also want
a big pile of dead Jews, of course -- that's where
the real fun is -- but mostly they want..... Israel.

Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or
"The Zionist Entity" as their textbooks call it --
for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of
Arab countries to divert the attention of their
own people away from the fact that they're the
blue-ribbon most illiterate,poorest, and tribally
backward on God's Earth,and if you've ever been
around God's Earth . . . you know that's really
saying something.

It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our
pundits waxes poetic about the great history and
culture of the Muslim Midleast.

Unless I'm missing something, the Arabs haven't
given anything to the world since Algebra, and,
by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.

Chew this around & spit it out: 500 million Arabs;
5 million Jews.

Think of all the Arab countries as a football field,
and Israel as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it.
And now these same folks swear that, if Israel gives them
half of that pack of matches, everyone will be pals..

Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about
the string of wars to obliterate the tiny country
and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to drive
every Jew into the sea?

Oh, that? We were just kidding.

My friend Kevin Rooney made a gorgeous point the
other day:

Just reverse the Numbers. Imagine 500 million Jews
and 5 million Arabs. I was stunned at the simple
brilliance of it.

Can anyone picture the Jews strapping belts of
razor blades and dynamite to themselves?.......
Of course not.

Or marshaling every fiber and force at their
disposal for generations to drive a tiny Arab State
into the sea? Nonsense.

Or dancing for joy at the murder of innocents?....

Or spreading and believing horrible lies about
the Arabs baking their bread with the blood of
children? ......Disgusting.

No, as you know, left to themselves in a world
of peace,the worst Jews would ever do to people
is debate them to death.

However, in any big-picture strategy, there's
always a danger of losing moral weight. We've
already lost some. I didn't know some of that..........!